Day # 28,chose the prompt ” Write about how you deal with mean comments / trolls / snake oil / or bullies”
“Haters are the people who will broadcast your failures and whisper your success.” (Will Smith)
This quote is all so familiar to me, and experienced it a lot.
I always been very sensitive, but after my son’s diagnosis for a while I was in tears on a daily basis due to cruel and ignorant comments about my son and my parenting style. It seemed that regardless what I do, it is not good enough for people. I felt like I was singled out, and started to doubt myself as a mother.
It did not take long to realize that my life can not continue this way, and I need to stand up for myself in order to protect my kids, as well as to show good example to both of my children not to put up with bullies.
I developed a new attitude “ignore the ignorant”. Slowly, I was able to differentiate between constructive criticism, ignorance and haters. I started using the positive criticisms to build up my knowledge, to strengthen my parental skills , I found patience to either ignore the ignorant, or if I had time educate them about autism, and finally I was able to dismiss all the haters and their comments
This ability helped me to be able to concentrate on my children much better, get my emotional state balanced, and feel more confident about my parenting skills. I realized that no one is perfect, we can strive for that perfection we are seeking, and in the process just do our very best. I recognized the importance of taking care of myself as well, because giving everything for the children will not benefit them long-term.
Slowly but surely we balanced our life to the point that we can combat any “attack” that we may encounter. This doesn’t mean that I am immune to those cruel remarks. Over the years I developed a “thicker skin”, and learned to joke about some of the painful comments that I come across. I realized these things will never go away, people will bully, or make ignorant statements, ask stupid, offensive questions. The key to a peaceful life is not to react to these encounters, but to try to combat it in a positive, constructive way. Being firm and confident in what I do is helping me to teach my children not to be harmed by anyone, or to be afraid to stand up for themselves or others who might be bullied.
My typical 10 yrs old daughter had many occasions to prove to others that they should not mess with her or her brother. She became a confident strong little girl. My son needs help since he can not defend himself with words nor actions.
I recognize that I had way too many sleepless nights, and wasted many days paying attention to those who are not worthy, and have less tolerance, education and patience than I. Words hurt, just as much as physical encounters. We need to choose our words carefully, and stop judging others according to what we see. We don’t see the whole picture ever, since we are not living that other person’s life, so before we judge we need to get our facts straight.
Furthermore, I might not be perfect and that amusing you, but trust me you are not perfect in everything either.
Bullies and haters even ignorant people did not break me down after all, but they made me stronger, made me strive for higher standard in life. I am glad I can say that I never lowered myself to their level, and I hope I can continue to keep my head high and stay above them for the rest of my life.