Posted by: myautisticmuslimchild | November 14, 2012

Advice for Dealing with Negative Feedback Day #14 NHBPM

Rather you have visible , invisible illness or disability, there will be people in your community who just plain mean, discontent and give their opinion  without anyone asking for it. Don’t you just hate  those who are getting into your business, and apparently know it all? They do not have a medical degree, but they expect you to do everything they tell you to do.

Other times you get professionals who just can not keep their theory to themselves, and act like that you have to obey them whatever they may say.

I met both kind of people more times than I like to, but along the years I learned how to weed out those bad  feelings that they inflicted on me and my kids.

It is hard  to deal with things that I have very little or no control over regards to my son, but when someone comes along who doesn’t have a clue what it is like to care for an ASD kid and  pushing their opinion on me, can be quite disturbing.

They used to make me feel bad, and many times I felt like I might be a the worst mother on earth, but then I realized it is me who is caring for this special child and not them. So, slowly but surely I adopted the attitude of “ignore the ignorant”.

It is human nature to offer help, advice  and have an opinion just about everything, as well as getting into other people’s business. The question is how it is being done.

We have to keep in mind, that many times people have good intention, and they just simply try to help, offer their experiences, opinion or share something that they heard or learned. I think once we see this approach we can take  those recommendations with ease.

Also, there are times when advice is used in a malicious  judgmental and degrading way. Those are the times when we just have to be a better person and ignore them. I had been judged, belittled by many in different circumstances, and it made me feel bad, hopeless powerless. There are times till these days, when people make comment and it feels like someone stabbed me in the heart. It takes time to develop an attitude that allows us to overlook others ignorance, and able to sort out our feelings.

The main defense for me is to surround myself with good, understanding friends and family. If someone cut me off guard with words, or actions, I can always go to my friends and family, and just talk it out.

Also, it is important to look things on a positive note. Many times when we inform others how they make us feel, usually  we find out that they wanted to achieve the opposite.There are really  few people out there that are plain evil, and I do believe in that. Sometimes the choice of words are not the most appropriate, and can cause misunderstanding and hurt others feelings. I always want to give the benefit of the doubts, and that is another way for me to deal with negative feedback in my community. Showing understanding and good faith in most  circumstance can alleviate hurt feelings.

Furthermore, educating people about illness or disability can change their perception, and they may become more tolerant and understanding.

The small percentage of the population that they are just pure evil , regardless what you do or say to them it will never make a difference. At least there is a small chance you will see anything positive come out of their actions or mouth. In this situation do not take anything personally, and remind yourself that they may have a very miserable life and their sad life is projected toward others with their words and actions. Never allow yourself to get down to their level, and always know what you do  takes courage, and not everyone capable to endure that illness or care for a special need person.  So understand, you are much better person than the one who is trying to put you down.

Humor is a great way to dismiss any ill feelings toward the ones who inflict hurt by actions or words. Believing in yourself helps one to  overcome most obstacles. Having a strong faith in God and his decree will carry you through all calamity.

 


Responses

  1. Salaam and JazakAllah sister, I find your post very useful and brilliant advice.


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