Posted by: myautisticmuslimchild | November 19, 2012

Life and Death Day #19 NHBPM

Day # 19 , I chose the prompt “Life and Death.”

Life is very fragile and it can be taken away in a blink of an eye, unexpected, in a hurry.

My son was only 5 years old,  he was playing and singing in one minute, and next moment I find myself holding him in my arms looking at his pale face blue lips and performing CPR while talking to 911.

I could not believe this is happening , I felt  like I was outside of my body watching this as a movie, looking at a desperate mother trying to revive her child, pleading to God to let him live,bagging the dispatcher to make the ambulance come quicker.

Working in the medical field, death was not something I never seen. I seen it many times, performed CPR many times , but it was always someones family member. The loss was painful always, even the circumstance when we all knew it might be better for the patient.

Now it is my own son, laying on the floor lifeless, and the only thing I can think of asking God “please bring my son back, let me see his eyes twinkling, his smiles, hear his voice one more time”. A reminder how delicate life can be, how quick we can lose what we have. A lesson to appreciate every moment, good or bad, and learn from it, grow from the experience and move on in search of better things.

By the time the ambulance arrived he had pulse and he was breathing. He was transported to the nearest hospital. That day he died 3 more times, and they told me to prepare for the worst. The cause unknown. I was replaying his whole life within minutes, the struggle he had with his autism, the happiness I seen in his eyes while playing with his sister, myself and other family members. The pride he showed when he learned a new skill.  I saw his older sisters face  who was only 6 years at that time, and wondering if her brother will be back to play with her. I saw her big blue eyes shading tears, and telling his lifeless body “Amin come back to us and you can always play in my room, whatever you want to take from it is yours, just come back.”

And Amin came back to us, better than ever. He had 3 more episodes thorough 2 years of time, a sudden death that no one can find a cause for. A reminder to all of us to appreciate and love what we have. An indication that God puts us on this earth to learn and be the best we can be. Appreciate, and celebrate this life, and make the most of it. Live it always so you never ever have to  look back with regret, make it as full as possible. Life is beautiful with all its ups and downs, and life is fragile, so take good care of it.

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