According to a few online sources, it is over 80% of marriages amongst couples who have a child with autism end in divorce.
Raising a child or children with autism is a big challenge for everyone. It certainly put a strain on the family financially, emotionally, and spiritually. It isn’t hard to feel at your wits’ end often. There are times when I feel I have nothing left to give to anyone, I had spent every effort physically and emotionally and I am just drained to zero.
Becoming a parent changes our identity forever. Frequently we must redefine our values and relationships with others. This transition in the development of family life is challenged even further by a developmental disorder like autism . There is a strain on the family when your typical baby is sick, now imagine that when you have a child with a condition… you have a sick child 24/7.
The kind of chronic stress that raising a child with special needs entails can affect relationships at their weakest points.The needs of the special children are often complex and illusive.
Searching to find the best treatment can be a long hard journey. Getting wrapped up in the stresses and strains of everyday life, relationships inevitably suffer from lack of attention. Communication problems, lack of time and energy for personal, marital, and family activities, and social isolation affect many families.
Working to understand each other’s wants and needs are vital to the success and survival of an intimate relationship.It can be a good start to plan time together alone, even if only for a few hours. Your children have conditions that may require lots of care and supervision. In the struggle to attend for our children’s needs, our own needs as individuals and as couples get lost. Many people stop focusing on their marriage.
Sometimes moms begin to become the family autism expert. Although this is a good thing, but not entirely, since some moms go off in the direction of being “super-moms” and some dads opt out and work extra hard to create financial support for the family.Now the stage is set for two good people the mom and the dad , to head off in different life directions. This role division is effective for a few years, but one of the things that keeps marriages together is deeply shared interests. Now you may say it is in the same category…they both want to give the best opportunity for that special need child. They are indeed doing the best they can, but the same time they are setting up the stage to drift further and further away from each other.
As a Muslim parent we have resources to use. We may feel alone and hopeless and drained and that is normal..we are human, that is how we were created. Our faith goes up and down, but we must recognize the weakest time in our life and we must reach out.
I feel pretty bad at times and the hopelessness is crossing my mind as well, and that is the time when I make extra prayers extra dua and dikr. Also, I make a special effort to attend my very special website where I gained my islamic knowledge and strength www. sunnahfollowers.net.
I had surrounded myself with knowledgeable and righteous sisters, so whenever I have those low points in my life they are just a phone call away or even closer.
These actions had given me strength and hope which is a major ingredients to a well balanced life, and help me to maintain a healthy family life.
So many wonderful acts can be down with the spouses that will give us hope, and stronger faith. Just reading Quran together, or learn a new hadith , listen to a short beneficial lecture can bring us closer to each other. Indeed it may take some effort, and trust me I know the feelings being so tired that I can’t even think straight. Been there down that…and I forced myself to make some Tea( and I am not a tea drinker just for the record) and sat down to listen to a very short hadith that my husband was teaching me. Just to learn that hadith and being in his company made us feel closer to each other.
We must never lose hope in Allah’s mercy. The statistic maybe against us regarding the divorce rate, but We have the knowledge of Allah, and the knowledge of the power of our duas.
May Allah keep us firm in our faith and may Allah give us what is good for us in this life and the hereafter…ameen